Let Go for More Control

By Kristen Boyesen
Life Learning and Creativity Coach
Published in The Bedford Standard, March 25, 2010

I added a lot to my life learning this past week. One small problem with my laptop computer grew into a major catastrophe, and I lost several folders of files from my laptop. My desktop computer, used for scanning, photo retouching and printing, will no longer turn on: a long boring story not to be repeated here. The first life learning, is, of course, “Do regular backups of your computer!”

The most useful learning of this experience is how one handles such difficulties in life. Yes, there were some tears, a few muffled screams and a late night email to a friend lamenting my loss. Yet, I came to accept it, regain my inner peace, and still have a smile.

This was the process: Knowing that prolonged upset lowers immunity and causes health problems; Knowing that poor health is worse than losing a documents folder; Knowing that I did not like being in this helpless state of recurring unpleasant thoughts; Knowing that meditation has been shown in study after study to help alleviate depression, anxiety and rumination; Knowing that meditation enhances wisdom, compassion, awareness and pleasure in life; And, knowing that the only way out of my misery was through action, I choose to take action.

This had happened close to midnight. Sleep was what was needed, but I was too distraught to sleep. “Meditation will calm me down,” I thought, “then I can sleep.

I took three or four meditative breaths, … and went right back to thinking about all the work I had lost.

I tried again. And again. Nope. A shower perhaps? Yes, a shower, then try again.

• First a deep breath with eyes closed.
• Make the intention to take control.
• Take control by letting go.
• Take control by consciously relaxing all the muscles of your body.
• Focus awareness within.
• Feel the breath flow into your body.
• Allow your abdomen to expand as you breathe in, contract as you release breath.
• Look deeply into the darkness that is behind your eyes.
• Become aware of different parts of your body.
• Feel the tingle of life from your toes to your fingertips.
• Feel every breath as it expands your abdomen.
• Feel the blanket of warmth that surrounds your body.
• Appreciate the calm.
• Feel the peace.
• Imagine you are hovering over yourself, giving yourself a hug.
• Appreciate your ability to return to breath focus each time your mind wanders.

Next thing I knew it was morning, and I could take steps to try to solve the problem of the missing folders. Two days later, the results are in. The documents folder is indeed gone, but the folder containing hundreds of slides of photos, drawings, and other colorful imagery prompts for my presentations and workshops were retrieved, and that is much more than a small pleasure.

Training yourself to focus in this way becomes easier the more you do it. Start before you have a major meltdown, and it is easier still. Meditation builds the brain’s ability to focus, relax, and to be aware. Awareness helps you to always put your keys in the same place every time you enter the house. Awareness snaps you out of your head and into the song of a bird, the flutter of a butterfly, or the smile of a child.

Take a break from the incessant whirl of thoughts that go on most of the time in your head. Several small meditation breaks a day will make a big difference in your health and well-being. The practice listed above was what I personally did when I needed to return to peace from chaos, but it is not the only form: Some use sound, some use words, some involve movement, others use image-making. There are many excellent books on the art of meditation and there is much information on the web. Find a meditation practice that is right for you. Peace!

Kristen Boyesen, a resident of Bedford, offers art and meditation-based classes and workshops for core creativity training and empowerment for change. She belongs to the American Holistic Medical Association Speakers Bureau, the Bedford Senior Network, and Young Audiences of Northeast Ohio. She gives rehabilitation workshops at the Brecksville VA Medical Center and is a graduate student in Art Therapy and Counseling at Ursuline College. Contact her at Kboyesen(at)thebedfordstandard.com.
Visit www.Art-Experiences.blogspot.com to see accompanying photos.

Driving Yourself to Tranquility

By Kristen Boyesen
Life Learning & Creativity Coach
Published in The Bedford Standard, March 11, 2010

In May of 2005 I began two years as executor of the estate of Persis Boyesen, Historian for the City of Ogdensburg, the Village of Heuvelton, and the Township of Oswegatchie. She was also a genealogist, a gardener, cook, seamstress, English teacher, historical preservationist, keeper of three or four generations of family heirlooms, and my mom. By law, all things related to her official capacities as historian had to be sorted and turned over to the proper municipality. Every part of the 12-room farmhouse had things to identify, sort, and make decisions upon. I was living in Bedford at the time. Ogdensburg is in Northern New York State. For two years my life was split between these two places. I would return from a seven-day trip to a pile of mail six inches high, classes to teach, and major catch-up tasks to do.

The drive from Bedford to Ogdensburg could be done in as little as six and one-half hours, and I did my best to drive the distance in that amount of time. “Why waste time driving?” The day after the trip was spent in recovery mode: not much was accomplished at either location. Stress was my middle name. I was a frequently in “fight or flight” mode with all of its adverse health effects.

One day, a year into this process, I was ready to embark on yet another trip. The car was packed with clothes, food, and everything I would need to camp out in a vacant house. I opened the car door, sat in the driver’s seat, and breathed a big sign of relief and pleasure.

Pleasure?

Yes, pleasure: pleasure that my only responsibility for day was driving! I did not have to pay bills, do laundry, make flyers, deliver artworks, teach classes, mow lawn, wash dishes, vacuum, weed the garden, clean the bathroom, answer email, sort papers, decide where my mom’s research and books should go, or which things to sell, and which things to keep.

The stress I had been experiencing for a year was close to being a stress crisis requiring medical intervention. Instead, I found a new way of dealing with the situation. I relaxed and enjoyed the trip!

I looked at the scenery, had warm thoughts for the other drivers on their way to visit families or on business trips, was polite in letting people in front of me, made sure I did not cut people off, watched my speed to be sure it was safe and in keeping with the general traffic flow, sat comfortably with good posture, did small body movements to relieve pressure points, and made each stop a time to take a short walk. In Canandaigua I meandered through a bookstore located just off I-90. I did not listen to the radio or to books on tape. I was in a state of appreciation for nine hours instead of the “go!-go!-go!-mode.”

The result? I arrived refreshed and energized! The next day I was able to immediately start work with no recovery time.

Various clinicians have used different terms for personal growth that can happen by learning from and dealing with life’s challenges: “crises of renewal,” “positive disintegration,” “creative illness,“ and “spiritual emergencies.” It was a wonderful turning point for me.

I drove back and forth on this nearly 500-mile trip for another year using the opportunity as a chance to relax and be appreciative. In 2010, three and one-half years later, I still relax as I get into the car to drive.

You have heard of “road rage”?

How about “road tranquility”?

Both are infectious.

If you drive in a fighting mood, you will get a fight. If you drive in a relaxed state feeling that everyone on the road is in your group of best friends and it is part of your job to see that they arrive safely at their destinations by polite driving, you will spread this sense of peace to others on the road. As a great side benefit, you will arrive at your own destination in a good mood with an immunity boost!

Driving as a practice in relaxation, appreciation and giving becomes one of life’s small pleasures.

Kristen Boyesen, a resident of Bedford, offers art and meditation-based classes and workshops for core creativity training and empowerment for change. She belongs to the American Holistic Medical Association Speakers Bureau, the Bedford Senior Network, and Young Audiences of Northeast Ohio. She gives rehabilitation workshops at the Brecksville VA Medical Center and is a graduate student in Art Therapy and Counseling at Ursuline College. Contact her at Kboyesen(at)thebedfordstandard.com.
Visit www.Art-Experiences.blogspot.com to see accompanying photos.